Eight-Stone Press, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! #7

Eight-Stone Press

Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! #7

To order a copy of
Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore!
send $3
(check, money order, stamps, or cash) to:

Willam P. Tandy
c/o Eight-Stone Press
PO Box 11064
Baltimore, MD
21212 USA
wpt@eightstonepress.com
www.myspace.com/eightstonepress

Table of contents

Introduction by William P. Tandy page 3
Adventures in House-Hunting by Benn Ray page 8
The City of Fatherly Love by William P. Tandy page 13
Snake-Charmer by Amy Lynwander page 14
Smaller Fractions by Ryan McElroy page 16
Confessions of a Techno-Junkie by George Martsoukos page 18
Postcard from the Edge of Town by Donny Smith page 21
Plan 9 from Baltimore by William P. Tandy page 22
Last Night I Met Miss Soft Crab 1945 by Jen Sanford page 32
Who is Drunk Throat? by Dan Reed page 35
Greetings from the Gastronomical Capital of the Universe by Dan Taylor page 36
Broadway and Fleet by Ryan McElroy page 40
The Problem with Wayne by Benn Ray page 41
Bottled Spirits by William P. Tandy page 45
About the Authors page 48
Notes page 51
Reasons to Smile page 52
Call for Submissions page 52

Excerpt...

PLAN 9 FROM BALTIMORE

Outside of Conrad, Walker and I, the subway car was empty, save for the lone rider at the tail end who from time to time turned around in his aft-facing seat to eye us with friendly suspicion.

“Okay,” Walker mumbled as the man turned back around in his seat. “Everybody got their marks?”

“Okay here, champ,” said Conrad from his side-facing seat near the door.

Standing nearby, I was beginning to perspire beneath the heavy, worn leather of the borrowed motorcycle jacket. I looked down at the rubber skull mask in my sweating palms, then scanned the rest of the car as it rocked back and forth, to be sure it was empty.

“Yeah,” I finally said. “Let’s get this over with. We’ll be coming to the first stop pretty soon.”

“Okay,” Walker said, planting himself in the corner opposite Conrad, who had slumped over to his side, feigning sleep. “Get ready.”

The car slammed round a bend as I pulled the mask over my head. I threw one more glance through the eye holes at the other man, who was still facing the back of the car, away from us. I took a deep breath. “Okay, here goes…”

“Alright, then,” said Walker. “On my count: three, two, one…and….action!”

***

The man’s card says it all:

Conrad Brooks, Movie Star
His Claim to Fame: The Motion Picture Plan 9 from Outer Space

And more than 50 years after he and his late brother Henry left their native Baltimore to pursue Hollywood dreams, Conrad Brooks is still making movies in much the same way he did when he teamed up with director Edward D. Wood, Jr., in the late-1950s for Wood’s notoriously slapdash opus, regarded by many to be the worst movie ever made.

That is to say, any way he can…

Gotta story to tell about Baltimore?
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