Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! #8
To order a copy of Willam P. Tandy |
Table of
contents Introduction by William P. Tandy DOWN AND OUT by William P. Tandy KNOW-NOTHING PARTY by Davida Breier GETTING CRABBY by Dan Taylor CURTIS McCARTHY by Harris “Bud” George CHARACTERS: Skinny Strippers Topic by Matt Crocamo THE FORMSTONE JUNGLE by William P. Tandy THE MUSIC YOU DON’T HEAR by William P. Tandy LETTER No. 1 by William P. Tandy THE FLEA by Harris “Bud” George LETTER No. 2 by William P. Tandy ALL EXPENSES PAID by William P. Tandy LETTER No. 3 by William P. Tandy BROKEN TREATY by William P. Tandy BAWLMER HAIKU II by Jen Sanford A ROUND IN THE CHAMBER by William P. Tandy About the Contributors The news crew arrived late in the morning. I was one of a few local people “in the know” that had been singled out for a feature piece on zines - small-run, homebrewed publications like the one you’re now holding in your hands. The segment was to be based around the recent opening of the new zine collection at the Cockeysville branch of the Baltimore County Public Library (BCPL). The reporter and his cameraman stayed for an hour-and-a-half - an inordinately long time, I thought, for material that would be chopped down to a minute-and-a-half broadcast. Besides, I wasn't the only subject. They were also heading to the home of Dan Taylor - publisher of The Hungover Gourmet (and Smile, Hon contributor) - immediately afterward. They filmed me reading. They filmed me writing. And they asked an awful lot of questions. To be honest, I only felt somewhat goaded once, when I had been very tempted to answer the question of why I thought anyone would want to read this stuff by asking why they thought anyone would be interested in watching a 90-second segment on zines at 10:00 on a Monday night in January. But I didn’t - I didn't have to. For as they packed up their wares and departed for Chez Taylor, I realized that I already knew the answer. . . I went to the kitchen and marked the calendar. *** Actually, both Dan Taylor and I had read at the grand opening of the BCPL zine collection in October 2005, and it so happened that it had in fact been our friend, Miriam DesHarnais - the librarian largely responsible for the collection’s existence (and whom they had already interviewed) - that sent the news crew in our direction. By coincidence, the opening came on the heels of the publication of Smile, Hon’s first special issue - Giving Up the Ghost!, a collection of supernatural accounts from around the Baltimore area. The turnout for the opening was considerable - nearly 60 people - giving particular consideration to an otherwise shitty (weather-wise) Thursday night and a venue not on most folks’ way to anywhere. There were old friends, but a lot of new faces, too - like Jesse Walker, who subsequently published a fine article on zines at www.reason.com. In fact, I was so impressed with the apparent level of interest that I decided, with the publication of the next issue, to try something that I had never done: throw a release party. *** In March, Eight-Stone Press published the second special issue of Smile, Hon, a sometimes gruesome, often funny little book of area rat encounters called Infestation! A few weeks later, I staged the first official Eight-Stone Press “event” - the Infestation! (Catch &) Release Party (or “the rat party”, as it came to be known) at Ryan’s Daughter Irish Pub in Belvedere Square. About 20 people showed up at Ryan’s Daughter that drizzling Tuesday night - including the elusive Latter Day Saint, who in spite of his religious handicap impressed me with his deep reverence for the juice of the barley. And the only thing more satisfying than the turnout was explaining to the management exactly why we had gathered at their fine establishment… *** I stayed up that cold Monday night in January, muddling through a local newscast that I would never otherwise have watched, with the singular hope of glimpsing my first televised brush with fame. Through reports of the day’s latest round of killings and diet fads, I waited in the flickering blue darkness to see which of my gems of wisdom had survived the TV news distillation process. The segment came on about halfway through the hour. Dan, Miriam - each weighing in on their obsession. Shots of the library. And then, there I was. Behind the reporter's voiceover, I read and wrote and put in my two cents. Until the question came - a Question of such monumental import that the Answer could only have come from the horse's mouth. “It’s fantastic!” my screen-self blurted. And with a few more quick library shots and the reporter’s outro, it was all over. *** To be honest, I can’t remember exactly what I said for the rest of that hour-and-a-half any better than I could tell you what was so damn praiseworthy. And truthfully, I don’t know why anyone reads Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! (though if you’ve read this far, you obviously have your own reasons) any better than I know why people rely on the TV news for information. But what the hell? I got a story out of it. And besides, the fact that you are reading - well, that is fantastic. Copyright 2006 by William P. Tandy |
Gotta story to tell about Baltimore?
Eight-Stone Press is interested in your
stories, everything that defines what it means to live - or simply be -
in Charm City. Work, home, neighborhoods, pastimes, nostalgia, Saturday night,
Sunday morning, and everything in between, good, bad, and ugly.